A Cultured Life…

…stumbling through life with two beautiful daughters – often tripping, sometimes running!!

D194, d80

on October 25, 2021

So much has come by since the last writing 😊 the smiley marks were I am going with this. 

  • Swati making us breakfast of bagels and fried eggs. Two sided was for my satisfaction – not sure about uncooked eggs.
  • Decisions about meals
  • First time wearing a bra in 190 days
  • First time Eye makeup for the in 193 days
  • A Saturday morning 5000-step walk

Friday Swati received a call from Dr. Shpall’s nurse We are confirmed for Clinic visits starting next Tuesday, 10/26. Dr. Shpall’s clinic is located in Stem Cell Transplant unit on the 8th floor of MD Anderson. The 8th floor lab will take over the blood draw and labs. I imagine that Dr. Shpall needs to be COMPLETELY certain before handing over Swati/us to Dr. Ramakrishnan. These twenty days will be as interesting as the previous 80 days🙃

The time continuum…..

Amma was recounting the early days when Swati was sick. Trying to put 2 and 2 together. It all fits so well, everything is crystal. 🥺 I must document those days too. Thankfully I do not have to rely on memory. Have tons of notes on my phone.
At the other end, Swati has begun looking to the future, the next months. What does she do about work? Does she go back remote? Will she have the energy to navigate her demanding job as a paralegal? Does she NEED to go back to work?
And school-
And a NY residency…..

Many questions abound. Grateful to the universe and all your prayers that she has arrived at this point. I am in awe of her resilience, her perseverance. When I am in the bathroom applying the shower patch on her central line, I see her cool, deliberate gaze travel her body – scarred by surgery and chemo. I am afraid to meet her eyes, but i realized one day, that I do her a disservice. If she can look at herself, I should not avert my eyes. She is my beautiful baby, always. Since then, we explore the body together. What can we do with this body that contains the flesh and blood of a barely-born child?

It seems to me that all that has been written about the effects of chemotherapy is till too little. We saw Swati’s skin darken after the transplant and it was never clear if it was the chemo or the transplant or the many drugs that she is on. In the past few days at home, her original skin was visible under the layers of dark. I thought the skin is sloughing off. A couple of days ago, we found that we could rub it off!!! Perhaps, all she needs is a loofah?!🙄😱 Dont want the skin to break – we are slathering almond oil.

The next challenge (in my mind) is stregth training and exercise. Swati needs to regain her muscle mass. When you are 80 days old, you have time in front of you, right?🙃

This weekend, two of Swati’s friends from Bryn Mawr came from Philly. They have been spending time together – going to the park, checking out a vegan place and generally being there for her. Swati is blessed to have the community around her and through her, I. One of the girls is Teju’s niece. Somewhere I have written about Teju – back in Austin, she has brought me enough food to feed an army, many many times. She was just ” Swat’s friend’s aunt” at that time. Today, I think of her as angel. How many such people have held me up? enveloped me in their comforting embrace?

Too emotional to continue writing. Please, never underestimate the power of community 💙

Thanks for reading 😇


4 responses to “D194, d80

  1. Aratrika K says:

    ahhhh this made me cry. love you aunty<3

    On Mon, Oct 25, 2021 at 12:59 AM A Cultured Life… wrote:

    > runneranu posted: ” So much has come by since the last writing [image: 😊] the > smiley marks were I am going with this. Swati making us breakfast of > bagels and fried eggs. Two sided was for my satisfaction – not sure about > uncooked eggs.Decisions about mealsFirst time wearing a br” >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anant Viswanath says:

    So touching, Anu. But the positivity emerging and being there always helps you. We all continue to pray. Swati is very much on her way back to her way of life surely! Best wishes

    Liked by 1 person

  3. moonsumit says:

    Excellent….so happy for our brave strong girl! Lots of love to her .

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  4. tanya says:

    thank you so much for continuing to share aunty this made me cry too 🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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