A Cultured Life…

…stumbling through life with two beautiful daughters – often tripping, sometimes running!!

I am really doing this!!!

on February 15, 2012

I want to write.  Any number of variations and years after I first thought these words, my words will see the light of the day. One and a half months after another new year vow my blog is up and running. There is a crazy lightness of being and I feel the words tumbling out.

It has been six months since my daughter, Aditi, began Freshman year at Boston University. I am still not completely used to this altered state at home – three of us instead of four. We have startlingly different ways of dealing with Aditi’s absence.  My husband Srini goes about with usual abandon, knowing full well that I will tell him something, anything about Aditi that he craves so badly. My 15-year old, Swati has suddenly taken on the mantle of an only child and I think it has now lost its novelty. I find myself overly solicitous, going in to check on her like three times in 30 minutes. I have always known that my two girls are different from each other.

How different and how difficult – I am realizing today.

I miss the follow up notes after an exam. I miss the expression of relief when there is a break between exams. I miss the dissection of the q-paper after work.

I am reminded of a paragraph I came across many years ago. I don’t remember the context or the magazine or book or the author.  “A mother does not love her children equally. She loves them differently”

I happy when S said that a topic that I insisted she study,  did actually come for her test. That is the closest she will come to expressing herself.  She wants me to leave her alone to unwind with another reading of Harry Potter. She will never know how difficult it is for me to leave her alone. I want to baby her!1.

They are just 18 and 15 and I think they still need me.  I KNOW they need me. What I do not know is how to hold on tight enough that they don’t lose their way and yet let them explore the world and themselves

This is it for my first post. I did not mean for this to be sad – contemplative, yes. I hope in the coming days I can talk about all that makes me happy.

 

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